seattle postmortem
by thefrostedrose
Summary: She's blonder than Cristina remembers. Her hair is a little shorter, and she's wearing a sharp cobalt dress under her white coat instead of navy scrubs. Nevertheless, her presence is like being hit by a brick; sudden and somehow still painful. /based on the au that cristina and teddy get together in europe post season 10/


It's been three years, seven months, and ten days.

The March sky is characteristically grey, promising a day of rain. Dirty snow still clings to the Zurich streets, and the light drizzle coats the city in a permeating fog.

She's blonder than Cristina remembers. Her hair is a little shorter, and she's wearing a sharp cobalt dress under her white coat instead of navy scrubs. Nevertheless, her presence is like being hit by a brick; sudden and somehow still painful.

" _Cristina_ ," Surprise flickers over her features for a brief moment before she regains composure.

"I wasn't aware that you knew Doctor Yang." The blonde's mousy assistant looks up from her iPad, eyes flickering between the two cardiothoracic surgeons.

"It's been awhile." Teddy smiles after a moment, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes the way her smiles used to.

"It has." Cristina finally speaks, letting the words hang in the air because for the moment, she has nothing more to say.

The patient between them begins coding, and Cristina is silently grateful.

* * *

They work together like they have never been apart. No words need to be said, nothing explained - they are a perfect team, once again working in synchrony.

"I didn't know that you left Seattle." The blonde says as they're scrubbing out of the successful surgery, letting down her hair from its ponytail. Although she still wears that ridiculous scrub cap with the birds, so much has changed about her, Cristina thinks. There's a steeliness in her green eyes that wasn't there before, a tenseness in her shoulders.

"I left Owen." She blurts, and she's not sure why. Owen had always been a source of contention between them, and she doesn't want his silent presence between them, not anymore, not in this conversation. "Or he left me. We divorced."

Teddy's face remains impassive. "Was it worth it?" She finally asks, flicking the water off of her hands patiently. " _Any_ of it?"

Cristina watches her carefully. In the OR, it was so easy to know what Teddy was going to do next, but now, out here - the blonde has never been harder to read.

"I don't know." She admits, meeting her eyes, daring her to _challenge_ her like she used to. "Was it?"

Teddy says nothing for a long moment, before letting a sad smile grace her lips. "It was good to see you, Cristina."

And when she leaves, Cristina finally lets herself exhale.

* * *

She ends up at Landstuhl six weeks later, escorting a patient for transplant. She doesn't know how Teddy finds out she's there, but when the blonde finds her after surgery and offers to let her stay the night at her apartment, she acquiesces.

She doesn't want to think about why.

"You have a nice place." She comments more out of habit than anything, as she helps the blonde carry in takeout from the Turkish place down the road.

"I don't have time to decorate." Teddy replies blandly, heading towards the monochromatic kitchen. Everything is neat and perfectly in place, Cristina notices, but nothing that seems distinctly _Teddy_ , like no one at all even lives there.

"You've been here three years and you still haven't found time to decorate?" Cristina bites, and Teddy raises her eyebrow, unamused.

"And yours is covered in pictures of you and your little resident friends, is it?" Teddy retorts, and Cristina looks away.

"You could put up your Harper Avery." Cristina suggests softly, extending the olive branch after a long moment. "Congratulations, by the way. You're nominated for another one, right?"

"They're ugly awards." Teddy comments, crossing her arms across her chest and leaning against the counter next to Cristina as she appraises the blank slate wall across from them.

"I would have never won a Harper Avery in Seattle." Cristina whispers, and Teddy smiles humorlessly, glancing over at her.

"Well, you've been in Switzerland for a year and a half, and you still haven't won one." The words should be cruel, but somehow they're not. "Ever think about why?"

Cristina takes a sip of wine and doesn't reply.

* * *

Their time is spent split between Switzerland and Germany - first, transporting patients and consulting on cases, and then - _not_.

"You never called." Cristina's exhausted from the four hour drive through the German countryside, and it's not even midnight but they're already two bottles deep in wine, lounging on Teddy's couch and listening to the rain pouring outside and Cristina doesn't think she's ever been this tired, really.

"We were all in a plane crash in the middle of nowhere. Fuck, Mark and Lexie _died_. Your old best friend, Arizona? She lost her leg. And you never called." She didn't realize she was angry about it until now, and somehow she still is. " _Why didn't you call_?"

Teddy's staring at her like she can see right through her, and her face is still fucking telling her nothing, and part of her wants to shake her and part of her wants to scream and part of her wonders what happened to the Teddy she used to recognize.

"I don't know." Teddy finally answers, looking away. She takes a sip of wine, signalling the end of the conversation, and Cristina wants to push. She _should_ push. But there's a deep, sharp sadness that flickers across Teddy's eyes, and it makes the words get stuck in her throat.

She doesn't mention the plane crash again.

* * *

"You should sleep." Cristina states the obvious as she takes a seat next to Teddy at her kitchen table back in Zurich, upon finding the blonde looking out the window at the flickering lights of the city at three in the morning.

"I'm not tired." Teddy murmurs, but Cristina can see the tiredness in her eyes, see it in the slump of her shoulders, hear it in her voice.

"Do you ever sleep?" Cristina wonders out loud with a yawn, because she has watched Teddy work for hours on end, through day and night, on surgery after surgery and through mountains of paperwork and piles of research data and it makes Cristina exhausted even thinking about it.

Teddy lets out a sharp laugh, still looking out the window. "Not anymore."

Cristina allows the minutes to tick away between them, waiting for something, _anything_ -

"You know Andrew is in Landstuhl, too?" Teddy says, breaking her silence and turning her attention to Cristina, who simply blinks in surprise.

"The trauma counsellor? From after the shooting?" Cristina eyebrows furrow in both confusion and recognition.

"Yeah, he's married now. Has two kids. Twin girls." Teddy nods, playing with her fingers settled in her lap. "We fucked for five months when I first got to Germany."

This time, Cristina blinks in shock. "But….I mean, with Owen, he was _engaged_ and you didn't even go after him, and now you're sleeping with the married trauma counsellor?"

" _Was_ sleeping with the married trauma counsellor." Teddy corrects her. "And... things change."

"That much?" Cristina scoffs, and Teddy looks away again, that same melancholy drawing across her features as before, and Cristina privately wonders what on earth these three years at MEDCOM have done to her mentor.

"You know they do."

* * *

"You won." Cristina states upon seeing the caller ID as she answers the phone.

"I did." Teddy replies, and Cristina thinks she can hear a slight smile in her voice. "You should come with me, to the ceremony."

" _Me_?"

"Who else would I take?" Teddy laughs darkly from the other end. "Come on, Geneva is nice. And there'll be an open bar. _Please_ , Cristina."

Cristina gulps, a little caught up in the slow, pleading, wheedling way Teddy says her name, before clearing her throat.

"You had me at 'open bar'."

* * *

Geneva is freezing and the chicken tastes like rubber and despite Teddy's promise, there is no open bar - so the Harper Avery awards dinner is going fairly shitty, in Cristina's mind. Teddy's all long legs and blonde waves and a tight red cocktail dress, making Harper Avery himself swallow hard as she gives her acceptance speech on revolutionary stem cell-made aortas.

"Well done." Cristina whispers as she takes a small sip of her sparkling cider, greeting Teddy as she steps down from the stage.

"Let's get out of here." Teddy murmurs in her ear in reply, filling her nose with the subtle jasmine of her perfume.

"This party is for _you_." Cristina reminds her, annoyance bubbling up within her. _If this were_ her first _Harper Avery awards dinner, let alone her second -_

"The food is shitty, the people are boring, and the alcohol is sadly not free." Teddy shrugs, glancing over her shoulder as she reaches for her jacket. "And there are three other winners, anyway. No one will miss us."

Cristina is about to protest more: it's a Harper Avery awards ceremony, for fuck's sake. _Teddy's second Harper Avery_. The most important and influential doctors in the world were in this room! And Teddy wanted to _leave_? But behind Teddy's suggestive smile there is a gentle pleading in her green eyes that Cristina somehow can't deny.

So they end up at this hole-in-the-wall bar right on the lake, filled with laughter and cheap whiskey and loud jazz. Teddy knocks back her single malt Scotch with alarming ease as Cristina sips quietly on her vodka soda, inching closer to her friend and away from the crowds of people.

 _"Isn't this much better?_ " Teddy shouts over the conversation around them as she waves down the bartender for another drink.

"I don't know, I'm not the one who was being honored at her second Harper Avery awards dinner." Cristina snaps, downing her vodka soda in one gulp. "God, what is _up_ with you? Do you just not care?"

"No," Teddy shakes her head with a sharp laugh, blonde waves flying around her face. "I don't."

Cristina huffs in defeat, grabbing her clutch and stomping off towards the bathroom, which is thankfully empty. The walls are covered in graffiti and the fluorescent overhead light flickers every few seconds, and when she looks up after splashing water over her face, she notes that the mirror is cracked.

God, she thought she was done with shitty bars and bleak hangovers and words like knives and after she left Seattle. She thought she was done with _all_ of it. And everything had changed, but at the same time, nothing had, not really. The taste of tequila still lingers in her mouth and every once in awhile her tears streak her face with mascara and it's like she's never left.

When she exits the bathroom, weary and bile rising in the back of her throat, she finds the blonde at the bar on the arm of some George Clooney look alike, all dark hair and a killer smile. He's whispering something in her ear, and she's smiling one of those fake smiles that seem to be permanently etched on her face again.

"I'm tired. Are you ready to go?" Cristina interrupts, tugging on Teddy's arm, who slowly turns away from the man.

"I'll catch up with you later, yeah?" Teddy raises an eyebrow, obviously urging her to leave. So Cristina scoffs, rolls her eyes, and hails a taxi back to the hotel, wondering just how the _fuck_ the two of them got to this place, and wonders if this is the weird effect of Seattle Grace Mercy Death or just a _Cristina and Teddy_ thing.

(She highly suspects it's the latter, but prays to a god she doesn't believe in that it's the former.)

* * *

Teddy returns at four in the morning, when the night's sky is that inky pitch black right before it lightens into the grey dawn. She's stumbling a little in her heels and there are marks on her neck that are only going to get worse with time. Her hair is disheveled and her eyeliner is smeared and she smells like equal parts vodka and sex.

"What happened to Attachment Barbie?" Cristina drawls from the corner, leaning against the doorframe as Teddy collapses in a heap on the couch. Teddy laughs darkly, humorlessly, thin chest heaving with the exertion as Cristina stares on.

When her laughter finally subsides, it leaves a sad smile on her face. "Don't you know? Attachment Barbie's dead."

* * *

They argue.

They have always had their differences, but the dynamic has changed. They've _both_ changed. They're both angry and frustrated and _exhausted_ and fighting is easier than explaining so they fight. It's snowing and the middle of the night and winds are howling down from the mountains and through the streets and it shouldn't feel familiar but it is.

"God, I don't know what the _fuck_ is your deal." Cristina shakes her head, pulling at her hair. "You're Chief of Staff at MEDCOM and you've won two Harper Averys and yet you sulk around like a kicked puppy! Are you really filled with so much self loathing?"

"You have no idea what you're talking about." Teddy snaps, crossing her arms over her chest, back straight and Cristina scoffs, because the blonde looks particularly militaristic like that, all steely eyes and sharp angles.

"You're punishing yourself, drowning yourself in work and hiding in the past. It's _pathetic_. You need to get over yourself."

"I'm not the one stuck at Klausman." Teddy seethes, stalking towards her and Cristina automatically tenses. "That nice job you took over from Burke? It's largely administrative. You like to _cut_ , Cristina. You're too proud to admit that it was a mistake." Teddy shakes her head, laughing cruelly. "You'll _never_ win a Harper Avery there. I would know, I've won two more than you." Her smile is savage as she leans closer. "You gave up Owen, you gave up your friends, you gave up your _life_ for _nothing_."

Cristina blinks in shock, because Teddy's _right_ , and hearing it out loud hurts more than she thought it would.

"Get out." She finally whispers, turning away from the blonde. "Get out of my apartment."

" _Done_." Teddy snaps, and Cristina wonders if Teddy's voice really breaks or if she's just imaging it.

The door slams behind her, and after letting a few long minutes tick by, Cristina finally sighs.

* * *

Three weeks of silence crawl by with Cristina wondering if she has ruined the one good thing she had going for her, when at two o'clock on a freezing January night, there's a harsh knock on her door that echoes through the quiet apartment.

She just got off of a twelve hour shift and she's nursing a large glass of Bourbon but she stumbles towards the door anyway, rubbing at her eyes. She catches a flash of blonde hair through the peephole, and her brows furrow in confusion as she swings the door open.

" _Teddy_?" The blonde is soaked from the freezing rain, locks plastered against her face, clothes heavy and clinging to her thin form. Cristina is about to ask what the _fuck_ she's doing at her door at two in the morning, but Teddy's mascara is running down her face and her eyes are rimmed red and Cristina instead just blinks in shock, glass of Bourbon still in hand.

"I quit." Teddy's voice shakes, both from the tears that begin to slide down her face and from the cold. "I quit my job at MEDCOM and...and I don't have anywhere else to go."

Cristina inhales sharply, frozen in place for a brief moment, before opening the door wider to let Teddy inside.

"I'll get you a towel." She says numbly, shutting the door and making a run for the bathroom to gather her thoughts because what does anyone do when their mentor-slash-best-friend whom they fell at with shows up in the middle of the night in the rain?

Teddy's still standing in the foyer when she returns, her hair and clothes _drip dripping_ onto the floor. Wordlessly, Cristina steps forward, peeling the cold jacket from Teddy's shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. Teddy's still shivering and sniffling, so she lets out a long breath as she wraps the towel over Teddy's slim shoulders, fingers skating down her arms before she pulls away.

A few minutes later, she has Teddy out of her wet clothes and in her old Stanford t-shirt and sweatpants, curled under a blanket on her couch.

"You were right." Teddy finally whispers, voice hoarse and breaking on the last word. "I tried to have a clean break from Seattle, because I wanted a fresh start, but….that's easier said than done." She laughs sadly, blinking back tears, and Cristina's gaze drops to her lap. "I ran back to the Army, which was familiar and easier. Or, I thought it would be easier." She shakes her head, tears falling freely. "But, it wasn't, and I just _quit_ and-"

At this point, her quiet crying overtakes her, and Cristina lets out a long sigh before at last scooting closer to her under the blanket and tentatively wrapping her arms around her friend. She feels fragile in her arms, and it surprises her that despite being outside in the pouring rain for god knows how long, Teddy still smells like coconut shampoo and cherry blossom perfume and entirely familiar.

"I've ruined you, too. I've ruined _us_." Teddy murmurs into Cristina's neck, and Cristina closes her eyes, lets Teddy's hot tears soak her skin and her talented hands ball into her sweatshirt.

"You haven't ruined _anything_." Cristina reassures her, hoping she sounds as sincere as she feels.

"I don't know how to exist anymore, Cristina." The blonde admits, whispered into the brunette's neck, and Cristina finally allows the tears to race down her face, silent and insistent.

" _I know_." She runs a hand through the blonde's hair before pulling back to press her forehead against hers, and she swears she can hear their hearts beating together in time once again.

" _Neither do I_."

* * *

The next morning, she leaves her job at the Klausman Institute.

* * *

There's a silent agreement that Teddy will be staying with her in Zurich for the foreseeable future, so the two road trip it back to Germany to pack up Teddy's stuff and when Teddy slams the door to her apartment shut with a, " _Let's go home_.", Cristina pauses.

Now, _home_ is a strange concept, because _home_ isn't Zurich, necessarily. But perhaps _home_ is now the safe space she has carved out for herself and Teddy, no longer mared with uncertainty and secrets. There's an easy, quiet existence between the two of them at Cristina's apartment, now. And even though she's jobless and prospectless, Cristina is better unemployed and living with Teddy than she was for months working for Klausman.

The nice, nearly foreign domesticity of sleeping late, lounging in sweatpants, watching shitty 90s rom-coms, and trying every takeout place within a half mile radius lasts for ten days.

 _And then-_

Derek is dead, and Cristina's world stops spinning on its axis.

It doesn't seem real to her. Living in Zurich, it was like Seattle existed in a completely different time and space, that just somehow paused in its existence when she left. After she left Seattle, she thought life would smoothly go on - but nothing is easy at Grey Sloan Memorial.

Teddy murmurs something about finishing up some paperwork and sending flowers instead, and it sends a sharp flare of anger in her. If Seattle had fucked anyone up the most, it had to be _her_. God, the ectopic pregnancy, Burke, Owen, the shooting, the plane crash - surely out of the two of them, she was the one who had the monopoly on shitty Seattle experiences.

And yet, when Teddy looks up at her with those sad, broken eyes, filled with pleading and unshed tears, Cristina cannot object her decision to stay in Switzerland.

* * *

((Two days after the funeral, Meredith asks her how life is in Zurich.

" _How's Klausman? Amazing, I'm guessing. And Zurich must be beautiful this time of year_." Meredith forces a smile, obviously trying her hardest to show genuine interest despite the tears threatening to spill in her eyes.

Cristina blinks, trying to find the words.

" _Fine_." Cristina answers truthfully. _"Everything's_ fine."))

* * *

When Cristina returns, she's surprised to find all of her belongings in boxes, Teddy humming along to some god awful 80s pop song as she empties out the fridge.

"Um, are you redecorating? Or selling all my shit to make a quick profit on Craigslist?" Cristina questions, not nearly as perturbed by the whole thing as she really should be.

"We need a fresh start." Teddy huffs, standing to her full height with a determined smile, and it's the first real smile Cristina has seen in months. "Pick somewhere - anywhere. Where's one place you've always wanted to go?"

And that's how they end up on a Greek island in the middle of the Mediterranean.

There are a lot of problems with living on Skopelos: the top three, in Cristina's mind, being no internet access in their cottage, their inability to speak Greek, and only one bed (Now, Cristina doesn't _mind_ sharing a bed, per se, but Teddy is a sleepy cuddler. Cristina is _not_.)

"Come on, it'll be fun! You know, integrate into the culture." Teddy insists, eyeing the map in her one hand before reading the Greek phrasebook in the other. And at first, Cristina resists, but Teddy is _happy_ \- she's finally laughing and smiling and Cristina thinks she can finally see the old Teddy again, the one from when she first arrived in Seattle, eager and charismatic.

One day, Cristina wakes up late to Teddy notifying her that they've been invited to their neighbor's daughter's wedding reception. Cristina, of course, has no interest in going, but Teddy promises that there'll be buckets of wine, so yes, Cristina agrees to go to the party, because she really can't say no to buckets of wine. That evening, she throws on a tunic dress and sandals and is ready to go within five minutes. But Teddy - Teddy emerges in a short white sundress, all long tan legs and sandy blonde waves - and really, no one has any right to look that good.

Cristina's four glasses of wine into the party and she's watching Teddy from the sidelines, dancing under the twinkling lights, the warm breeze rippling in her hair, head thrown back in laughter and nothing else in the world matters, just then, because Teddy is taking her hand, pulling her into the dancing and she can't say no to Teddy.

( _She gets whatever she wants from her. Forever_.)

And when she needs air, Teddy follows her down the cobblestone alley, smiling when the brunette leans against white washed walls with a long exhale. Teddy's eyes sparkle under the soft light, though if it's from the dancing or the alcohol or something else, Cristina can't quite say, but she's still smiling when Teddy takes a step closer, close enough that Cristina can see all the blues and greens swirling together in the blonde's eyes.

When Teddy's hands gently move to cup her face, thumb brushing over her cheek, Cristina should be alarmed, but she isn't. When Teddy's pupils widen and Cristina can feel her breath washing over her face, she should push her away, but she doesn't. And when Teddy leans forward and presses her lips gently against hers, she shouldn't kiss her back - but she does.

Well, she does, but only too briefly. It's instinctual, the need to reach out and pull the blonde flush against her, tangle her hands in her hair, press their lips more firmly together. But before she can do so, Teddy is stepping away from her, smiling as she playfully bites her bottom lip, practically skipping back to the party, leaving Cristina to wonder _what the fuck just happened_.

Later, on the way back from the party, walking along the unsteady cobble stone streets, dark ocean sparkling in the distance, Cristina's heart is thundering in her ears, because _Teddy kissed her_ and now, here the blonde is, waltzing down the narrow streets, fingers brushing the stucco walls, acting like nothing ever happened.

Bright moonlight shines through the open windows when they arrive back at the house, brightening the white walls and washing the rooms in an icy blue light. Cristina takes a few long strides towards the bedroom before coming to an abrupt halt.

"You kissed me." Cristina finally acknowledges, slowly, like she's still trying to figure it out.

"Sorry?" Teddy calls from across the living room as she locks the door.

" _You kissed me_." She reiterates, running a hand through her hair as she turns around, watching Teddy lean casually against the wall, arms crossed.

"I did." Teddy acquiesces with a smile, but stays where she is, and Cristina's eyes narrow.

Really, Cristina should be asking Teddy _why_ or maybe _what the fuck_ , but instead, she can't help but whisper, "Do it again."

And somehow, the words still manage to echo on the walls and reverberate across the room. There's a long moment where everything is completely still, and Teddy is just _staring_ at her, her face completely unreadable as always, and Cristina can feel her heart beating loud in her ears and it feels like she's about to faint, because maybe she read all the signals all wrong and Teddy is just drunk and not that interested and-

And then, Teddy smiles.

In four long strides, she's across the room. A delicate hand gently cups her face, and Cristina fights against leaning into the blonde's touch, finally allowing herself to meet Teddy's green eyes, now dark with something that sends a shiver down Cristina's spine. Honestly, her heart has jumped into her throat and _god_ , she'll have to kiss Teddy herself if the blonde doesn't do something in the next second.

But then Teddy's _finally_ kissing her, lips and tongue moving against hers, and Cristina can't help but groan softly into her mouth because Teddy feels like heaven and tastes like sin and she can feel the heat of the blonde's skin through her dress, their hips easily grinding together as Teddy's hands sink to her waist, the touch of her fingers causing Cristina's skin to _buzz_.

" _I want you so bad_." Cristina can't help but whisper against Teddy's lips, hands running down the warm skin of Teddy's back.

"Well, you _did_ always have a thing for your superiors." The blonde laughs, and Cristina's about to respond but then Teddy's hands are on the hem of her dress, pulling it over her head and Cristina loses the thought entirely.

Being with Teddy is so different than being with Owen, than being with Burke. Owen and Burke were both aggressive, and greedy with their affection. They _took and took and took_. But _Teddy_ , with her delicate hands roaming down her thighs and pushing them apart torturously, and her lips, curved in a smile, peppering kisses along Cristina's hip - _Teddy_ knows how to _give_.

It's an intimate dance between them, and they each already know their role. There is no need for words. Teddy knows what she needs before she even realizes she needs it, and she doesn't think anyone has known her that well in her entire life.

And then there's this moment, when Cristina is straddling Teddy's lap, and the blonde has sat up to kiss her, where Cristina's hand is skirting down the blonde's face, foreheads pressed together, breath heavy, and there's something in Teddy's green eyes that make her think that she feels this silent understanding and connection, too. That _this_ \- all the slow kisses and exploratory touches and quiet assurances - _this_ is real.

* * *

"How long can this go on for?" Cristina whispers at the ceiling. They're both wrapped up in mussed cream colored sheets, legs tangled and Teddy's face is buried in her dark hair, an arm draped over the brunette's waist.

She can feel Teddy's lips against her ear, voice gentle. "However long you want it to."

* * *

The sun is shining through the blinds and all the windows are open and Cristina is sitting at the light wood table, chomping happily on her cereal, and she feels _damn good_ about her life for once, until Teddy returns from town with a small frown on her face and Cristina's heart sinks. There's one internet cafe in the village - Teddy walks there every Sunday afternoon to check her email on the shitty dial up connection, but Cristina has long since stopped going, allowing her messages from Burke and Klausman and Alex and Meredith to pile up, unnoticed. Cristina never thought she could let go of medicine so easily - and she hasn't, not really - but when she wakes up and the sun in shining through the gauzy curtains and Teddy is dancing around the kitchen as she fries eggs and makes coffee, medicine magically moves to the back of her mind.

It was only a matter of time - the long, sleepy mornings with the blonde is bed, wrapped up in each other, nights curled on the couch with a glass of wine, either in comfortable silence or in endless conversation - it couldn't last forever.

"I got an email," Teddy exhales, fingers tapping nervously on the table, and Cristina stops mid-chew. "From Mass Gen."

Cristina swallows, hard, setting her spoon down. "Mass Gen is the best hospital in the US."

"It is." Teddy acknowledges, before sinking into the chair across from her. "They offered me a position as their head of cardiothoracic transplant surgery.

Cristina focuses on a spot right beyond Teddy's head, determined not to look in her in the eye. Subconsciously, she clenches her fists on the table. "You would be great there."

Teddy gently lays her hand over Cristina's, squeezing, and Cristina blinks in surprise. " _We_ would be great there."

"I don't…" Cristina is at a loss for words, shaking her head and leaning back from Teddy in an attempt to clear her head, but the blonde just moves closer.

"They want _you_ , too, Cristina. Come to Boston with me. If this is what you want, then all you have to do is say yes." Teddy pleads, bringing her other hand up to Cristina's face to force her to look at her, and Teddy's _right there,_ next to her, legs pressed together and Cristina can smell the perfume on Teddy's neck and these last few weeks have made her realize that _this_ is something she wants.

Instead of answering, she kisses Teddy, massaging the blonde's hip through the thin fabric of her t-shirt, and when she feels Teddy smile against her lips, she exhales,

" _Yes_."

* * *

So they move to Boston.

They buy a townhouse in Cambridge and fill it with pictures of their family and friends, of Meredith and Owen and Henry. There are high bookcases filled with equal amounts of medical texts and trashy detective fiction. The fridge has Teddy's obscenely healthy quinoa salads and Cristina's favorite microwavable hot pockets. There's a pile of warm blankets on the chair in the bedroom and Cristina has free range to steal all of Teddy's sweatshirts, so yeah, life's pretty good, considering.

They both try to stay in bed as long as possible in the morning, legs moving against each other as they share tired kisses. Teddy runs, Cristina showers. Coffee and lunch together at the hospital between surgeries, rounds, and time in the lab, occasionally interrupted by a quick nap or a quick fuck in an on-call room. Twelve, fourteen hours later, they finally arrive home and Teddy cooks in those reading glasses that kind of turn Cristina on while the brunette checks her email. There's wine, after, and trashy TV that eventually morphs into passionate sex that never fails to leave her breathless. Cristina falls asleep in Teddy's GW sweatshirt with her face filled with blonde hair.

So everything's good, until -

 _Until -_

She's drifting in and out of sleep and as she snuggles back closer into Teddy's embrace, she can hear the blonde whisper, " _I love you._ " and her heart kind of stops.

Knowing Teddy loves her shouldn't change anything, but it does. See, she has always loved Teddy. She loved her first as a mentor, then as a friend, and now…. now as something so much more. She thought she had been in love before, sure, and maybe she had been, but not like _this_. Not with someone who knew her as completely as Teddy, who knew her better than she knew herself.

But Teddy wants to get married and have two point five blonde children and a white picket fence and a golden retriever and Cristina is most certainly _not_ interested in any of that. And Teddy had opened herself up so wholeheartedly to Henry, the love of her life or whatever, only for him to die and she doesn't know if Teddy is ready for that again, and she can't do it if Teddy isn't. Owen wasn't really ready, and Burke wasn't either, and she couldn't bear losing Teddy in such a way.

And she would usually ignore such a thing and keep her focus on just _existing_ with Teddy, but it was getting harder and harder to remain quiet when Teddy would smile at her over their patient after they completed a successful surgery, or when the blonde stretches against her after a long day at work, curling around her like a cat, or even when they're walking out the door in the morning, and Teddy hands her a hot coffee before kissing her on the cheek and squeezing her hand tight in hers.

One day, she finds Teddy in the living room reframing the picture of her and Henry that hangs in the hallway, and usually Teddy goes all distant when Henry is brought up and Cristina doesn't press her, but today, her eyes aren't all far away looking at the picture, and Cristina can't help it when she says,

"I'm never going to be Henry. You know that, right?"

She regrets it the moment the words leave her lips, and her lungs and heart squeeze together so tight she can barely breath as she waits for Teddy to look up at her and respond. " _Teddy_ -"

"I know." Teddy blinks, turning to look at her, allowing her brows to knit in confusion. "I'd never ask you to be."

"But-" Cristina takes a step forwards, reaching for Teddy's arm, much to Teddy's surprise.

"I'm with you because you're _Cristina_. You're _you_ , and that's what I care about." Teddy smiles softly, before quickly kissing her on the cheek and hanging up the picture of her and Henry once again, waltzing off to the kitchen. "How does grilled salmon sound for lunch?"

Cristina blinks, before following Teddy without another word.

* * *

So yeah, she needs to speak up, and _soon_ , because every time Teddy smiles at her, she feels like her heart is about to burst with guilt, or something, because Teddy deserves more than her silence.

It's around midnight on a Friday night, and some awful late night show is playing on the television and Teddy is curled into her side with a glass of merlot in her hand, and she can hold her silence no more.

"What are you doing?" Teddy's eyebrows furrow in confusion when Cristina mutes the TV, sitting up straighter and shifting away from her. "Cristina-"

"Let me speak, okay?" Cristina holds up her hands to keep Teddy at bay, taking a deep breath and running a hand through her hair. "I know that you love me. I mean, you whisper it into my hair when you think I'm asleep." Teddy's eyes widen, and she's about to protest but one look from Cristina silences her. "Don't pretend that you don't.

"And you know I'm not good with this kind of thing. I'm not affectionate, and I'm intense and am not good with emotions, and if I don't say it enough, I'm sorry. But I love you. I'm _in love with you_. I'll never stop loving you. I'm yours, okay? I'm _yours_. Forever." Cristina exhales, turning back towards the TV, eyes on the floor. "Now, can we go back to watching Colbert?"

When Teddy doesn't respond after a long moment, Cristina finally sighs, lifting her gaze. But Teddy's _smiling_. There are unshed tears in her eyes, and her grin makes Cristina's heart skip a beat.

" _What_?" Cristina whispers, a grin of her own curling around her own lips.

" _You love me_." Teddy replies with a small laugh, and all of a sudden, Cristina's laughing too. They're laughing and then they're kissing, Teddy's mouth soft and insistent on hers.

" _I love you_." Cristina whispers again against her lips, hands cupping the sides of Teddy's face to pull her against her more firmly. " _I love you, I love you, I love you_."

Cristina has never been one for huge displays of romance and affection. She has no time for _McDreamys_ , for elevator proposals and candle houses and post-it note weddings. But that night, with Teddy, she thinks she may have turned into a believer.

* * *

Ten months later, Stockholm -

Harper Avery is to her left and there's a sea of lights and faces in front of her, all blurred together, but there's only one she cares about.

When she steps off the stage, Teddy simply wraps her in a tight hug, and suddenly the award feels like a lead weight in her hand.

"Let's _go."_ Cristina whispers in her ear, and Teddy just hands her her coat with a slight smile, understanding completely.

"It was a very nice speech." Teddy praises her as she links their arms together, walking away from the fancy ballroom and down the glittering waterfront. Snow hangs heavy in the air, and Cristina can see their breathes cloud together before dissipating in the chill.

Cristina squeezes Teddy's hand in hers. "You should know, you helped write it." Teddy's laugh sounds like bells, the most beautiful sound in the world.

Teddy's flowery perfume is better than the smell of antiseptic and blood. Her bright green eyes are more comforting than the flare of OR fluorescent lights. Her warm skin is more exquisite than the _thumpthump_ of a beating heart in her hands. Heart surgery, however breathtaking, has nothing on Theodora Altman.

"You're good with words, when it counts." Teddy pulls her closer, and Cristina can almost feel the heat of her through her coat. "You did an excellent job." Teddy sobers, and comes to a halt, turning to face the brunette. "You deserve this more than anyone, you know. As your fellow surgeon and as your _girlfriend,_ I couldn't be prouder."

"You're not going to cry, are you? Because if you are, I'm leaving you here in Sweden." Cristina deadpans when Teddy's eyes glisten with unshed tears.

"Not when I have the key to the hotel room, you won't." Teddy laughs before leaning in to kiss her.

Her lips are warm, and when Cristina takes a step closer to press them more firmly together, she whispers, " _thank you"_ into the kiss, feeling Teddy smile.

The words are heavy, but Teddy understands. There is nothing more to be said.

"So, Doctor Yang," The blonde grins as they part, linking their hands and swinging them as they walk once more. "How would you like to celebrate this momentous occasion?"

"Oh, Doctor Altman, we're cardio surgeons. We know how to improvise." Cristina's grin is wicked as she loops Teddy's arm around her shoulders. " _I'm sure we'll come up with something."_


End file.
